Step 11

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

"Pray all the time. Ask God for anything in line with the Holy Spirit's wishes. Plead with him, reminding him of your needs, and keep praying earnestly for all Christians everywhere."

Ephesians 6:18 NLT

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For me, this is elemental truth in working this program (and life) with ease...or relative hope of ease. I get on my knees faithfully in the morning to seek God's will and plan for my life. I used to fight the need to be on my knees...but today I see it as being humble before the Lord, so I do it.

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I praise the Lord...love and adore Him, then thank Him for the blessings and the Kodak moments, then I bring my concerns before Him. I pray for myself, and then each family member in detail. Then I pray for other people in my life. I stay on my knees for about l/2 hour.

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I see prayer as asking and meditation as listening.

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In the afternoon, after lunch, I meditate. I sit still (or lie down) and focus on a Scripture reading. I often choose, "Be still and know that I am God." I think on that for a while (repeating it over and over in my head) and then I shorten it "Be still and know that I am"..."Be still and know"..."Be still"...then "Be." By this point, I am in a state of oneness with God (or so it feels anyway)....

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Whenever other thoughts flow into my thinking and I realize it, I go back to the beginning and start again. This is not a time for hashing over problems or thinking about life, but about God and His truth and love.

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I typically fall into a trance-like state and stay still for about l/2 hour. When I "wake-up," I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of my day.

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This is the way I live my life today.

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Even when I am on vacation or on the weekends, I keep my "dates" with God and spend this precious time with Him.

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I have learned that I cannot maintain an intimate relationship with anyone if I don't spend time with them....and God has to be first!

Step 10

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

"Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Chothe yourself with this new nature. Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves."

Ephesians 4:23-25, The Living Bible

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Steps l0, 11 and 12 are the maintenance steps.

For me, Step 10 is "pray without ceasing" and humbly seeking God's will in my moment-to-moment decisions. Whenever I get a twinge of "ut oh"....I ask God what His will is for me in side-stepping my "old" way of handling the situation. It's typically around my pride, judgement or my wanting to control a person or a situation.

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"God help me!" is a prayer. When I ask, He responds. Then the l0th step teaches me to listen. If I make a mistake (and the "ut oh" comes after an inappropriate reaction or response), I apologize, forgive myself and move on.

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Another aspect of the l0th step is taking a daily inventory of the goods and not-so-goods in the day. After lunch, I review my morning...and the next day (when I am on my knees), I look at the afternoon and evening of the preceding day. If I need to apologize for something, I commit to doing that, and I also commit to "living amends" which is living in the solution to the best of my ability.

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I make mistakes, but I keep trying. I have learned that there is no perfect this side of heaven, and I am okay with my imperfection (although striving to be God's best at the same time).

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As Joyce Meyer says repeatedly, "I may not be where I want to be, but I am certainly not where I used to be!"

Step 8

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:31, NIV

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In Step 8, we look at our 4th-step inventories and write down anyone that we had hurt and for me, if I think of someone (anyone) with a cringe, I put them on my amends list. There is something that I own in the problem.

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I then take each person and write a quick version of what happened, why I feel resentful (just quick one-liners to remind me of the situation), how it effected me--bringing up fear of abandonment, rejection, my self-esteem or whatever--and then MY part (why I need to make my amends).

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It could look like this:

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The person on my list: My step mother

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The problem: She treats the other grandchildren different than my children (why I am resentful)

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The effect on me: Fear of being unlovable, unimportant (fear of abandonment)--reminds me of when I was little--my younger brother seemed to get the most attention. I was jealous.

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My part: Because I feel resentful, I withhold my love and compassion for her. I don't see her as kind and loving, even though she is up to the level that she can be... and I have to accept that her biological children are going to get more attention. It's just the natural course of things, and it's really okay!

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I have to look to God for my satisfaction. He can and will fill all my empty holes....and I want to forgive, as God forgives me.

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There is obviously more details that came out in my fourth step years ago on this one, but it is just an example of what I am talking about.

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I am not l00% healed of this, but when I let go and let God take it from me, I am better...and I can show kindness, respect and love. I am happier when I am willing.

Initially I simply write down all the names of the people who come to mind...

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Love and peace,

Pam from Auburn, MA<><>

My part:

Step 7

Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

l John 1:9

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Step 7 involves the transformation or purification of our character.

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I really appreciate Step 7 because it comes after the acceptance and surrender steps. It is the time when I say, "Okay, Lord, it's up to You! Change me, mold me, make me what You want me to be."

Step 6

Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

James 4:10, NIV

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Step 6 is known as an "inactive" step. While that is true on the outside, this is an inside job. I have learned that it is crucial for me to accept myself for what I have done...with the hope of better days yet to come.

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This step brings peace within ourselves. It is an inner transformation, sometimes called repentance.

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I appreciate this step today, because I know that I need to be humbled before I can get better.

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It's the truth that sets me free!

Step 5

Step 5: Admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

James 5:16

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My first fifth step was scary. I felt as if I were a failure....I yelled at my children when I was overwhelmed (God bless their sweet hearts), I slammed cabinet doors when I was angry at my husband for not seeing that I needed help, I was dishonest...lying to cover up my fears...or to cover the effects of my husband's drinking on my life. I was embarrassed to have been out-of-control with my food for so many precious years, etc, etc, etc.

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It was amazing, though, when I told my sponsor all my nitty gritty. She didn't even blink an eye, but instead she identified with my pain...and gave me hope of a new way to live in the days to come.

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I left her home, ripped up my fourth step writing in a thousand pieces and threw in in the dumpster outside her apartment. I can still remember the freedom and the joy in seeing those pages flying through the air.

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That was the beginning stages of a life-long surrender process...

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Confession is good for the soul.

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I used to think that talking to God was enough, but there is something really healing about doing the steps as they are laid out.

More on Step 4

Step 4: Made a fearless and searching moral inventory of myself

The fourth step is recognizing why I do what I do... I said that already, but I wanted to talk more about the 4th step inventory in The Twelve Steps for Christians book. We are working on Step 4 in the AWOLforchristians@yahoogroups.com.

Each day we are opening up a drawer, so to speak. These are the topics:

resentment
fear
inappropriate anger
approval seeking
caretaking
control
fear of abandonment
fear of authority figures
frozen feelings
isolation
low self-esteem
overdeveloped sense of responsibility
irresponsibility
repressed sexuality

I appreciate each time we get to this stage in the 12-step process, because I have the opportunity to look at my progress. Even after years in recovery, I still own elements of all of these character behaviors. I am better than I used to be, but certainly not where I hope to be. I accept my progress.

If anyone feels called to do this work with us, you'd be welcomed to join the AWOL for Christians loop. We also "work" the steps on Sunday night. We have a phone meeting at 5:30 PM (EST). The telephone number is on this blog. The program works because I work it.

As the Big Book says, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throroughly followed our path..."

Step 4

Step 4: Made a fearless and moral inventory of myself.
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"Let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work..."

Galatians 6:4, Amplified Bible

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Step Four is an opportunity to do some soul searching. For me, it has been an eye-opening experience. It is the 12-step approach to self-discovery of why I do what I do (or did what I did).

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I have done lots of fourth steps in my time in recovery. They have all been valuable in my upbringing from gloom and doom to a life of happiness, peace and joy. Initially I did a "family of origin" inventory, which is looking at each family member, starting with my parents. Then I did an inventory of my brothers and my reaction to them.

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In fourth steps, I look at my personal history, as if in a movie...not blaming or criticizing anyone. I KNOW that I am the only one I can change.

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Today, when I hit the fourth step in a step study, I look at one area, almost like opening a drawer in a bureau. I have looked at my caretaking, control, gossip, dishonesty, pride, judgement, approval seeking and many others. It has been helpful for me to see the ways that all these character behaviors have effected myself and the people in my life.

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With the help of God, I could then work the rest of steps and co-operate with God...and let Him change me.

More on Step 3--beyond abstinence

Step 3: Turned my will and my life over to the care of God.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--which is your spiritual worship."

Romans 12:1

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After I got abstinent, I started to see other areas in my life that were "off." It was one thing after another...but it was baby steps. As God revealed a light of truth to me, I looked at it and with His help, surrendered.

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In the "school of hard knocks" (ie: living life on life's terms), I have learned that it's realization, acceptance, surrender and then action.

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God's Word is my instruction manual. If God says it, I believe it... And His Word is true yesterday, today and it will be true tomorrow, too. Just because "times have changed" (as some will say), God never changes.

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I am putting all my energy into being a God-pleaser, not a man-pleaser today. As a result, I am happier than I have ever been. I can see and feel God's blessings in so many things.

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As a way of life, I turn my will and my life over to His care moment to moment... It's praying without ceasing. It works for me.

Step 3

Step 3: Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

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Initially, since my new higher power was the group of people who had gone before me, my Step 3 was making the decision to stay abstinent and to use the tools on a daily basis. I asked God (the Holy Spirit) to help me do what I needed to do each minute.

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Abstinence: My sponsor gave me a food plan to follow each day. It had no sugar or flour and it was weighed and measured. It had specific boundaries, without a lot of options. The motto was "keep it simple" and "easy does it, but do it."

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Sponsor: I called my sponsor at a specific time each day and told her what I was going to eat for the day.

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Literature: I read my literature--one page of the Big Book each day, the daily reading from OA's For Today (The Little White Book) and the daily reading from AA (the Little Black Book)

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Phone: I made three out-reach calls each day

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Meetings: I went to three committed OA meetings a week (one being a step meeting)

I also was committed to getting on my knees each day. At first, it was a quick stop, but now-a-days, I spend 1/2 hour first thing in the morning, and then I have a "date" with God after lunch each day.

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Love and service: In the Big Book, Bill Wilson says, "love and service keeps us dry."

Whenever I started to entertain the thoughts of extra food, I repeated the following lines over and over again...

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"My food is my food; everything else is not my food. It's not an option to overeat no matter what is happening in my circumstances or how I feel."

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Then I'd contemplate how "love and service" would keep me dry (abstinent). I'd make a phone call or do something nice for myself or for someone else. It distracted me from the food thoughts and I stayed abstinent one day at a time.

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Today I do a different version of the tools, but I still do them each day. My abstinence is the most important thing in my life because without it I have no life. (That sounds dramatic, but if I picked-up extra food again, I'd be emotionally unavailable...and I'd be spiritually bankrupt...and physically beat-up).

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Food addiction is a progressive disease. The last time I picked-up one bite. It turned into another binge. I gained l5 pounds in three days! That doesn't seem possible, but it is what it is.

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Grace of God, that was over nineteen years ago....

Step Two

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

"Open my eyes to see wonderful things in your Word. I am but a pilgrim here on earth; how I need a map--and your commands are my chart and guide. I long for your instructions more than I can tell."

Psalm 119:18-20, The Living Bible

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For me, when I first walked through the doors of OA, I had a faith in God, but didn't have a clue how to stop overeating. Therefore, my "higher power" in program was the group of people who had learned how to live in the solution. I asked lots of questions and followed the winners.

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When it came to God in the steps, I had to learn how to experience Him in my everyday life. Before program, I somehow thought that things like food and my lack of control around my overeating was too much to ask God to think about... I thought I "should" be able to do that on my own. Well, I had to accept the fact that I could not do anything without God's help, so I started experiencing Him on a moment-to-moment basis, as I grew stronger and stayed abstinent one day at a time.

Step One

Step One: I admitted I was/am powerless over food (and anything else that separates me from God); my life was/is unmanageable.

"I am completely discouraged--I lie in the dust..." (Psalm 119:25, The Living Bible)

In the 12-step programs, we read, "We" when quoting the steps, but I make it personal and use "I" because in my opinion this is really between me and God. Although I see that addicts ("we") love and support each other and that's certainly helpful, alone in the privacy of my 4-walls, it is me and God who makes the decisions to react appropriately or not. (re: His will versus my nature--my will).

When I was ready to surrender (finally--after years of trying to do it "my" way), I came to the table broken and alone--desperate and dying. I WAS COMPLETELY DISCOURAGED--I had tried and tried and tried, but despite all my intelligent reasoning and a willing spirit, my flesh was weak. I just couldn't do it.

Reminds me of Paul in Romans...."I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)

Woe is me! (paraphrased)...Who will save me? Oh, Jesus, my Lord, You can do for me what I cannot do for myself!

Jesus had introduced me to AA and I knew when I walked through the doors that the same addictive solution could work for me, but I didn't know at the time that my "drugs" were more than the obvious (junk food)...

Recovering from food addiction (for me) is abstaining from sugar, flour and wheat and not overeating. Until I was willing to give up all those foods, plus artificial sweeteners and extra food, I could not get free. I learned what I needed to do on a daily basis by listening to successfully abstinent people in 90dayOA, getting a sponsor and working the tools each day.

After I got abstinent, I was invited to attend an indepth study of the steps meeting, and I got the willingness to look at the other things that kept me feeling distanced from God. I wasn't a "terrible" person, but I had threads of dishonesty, talked about other people in order to feel better about myself, had (and still can have) control issues and can be overly co-dependent (caretaking) and more.

As I work the steps as an ongoing way-of-life, I see different ways that I fall short of being God's best, and I later see what God wants me to do to come up higher. I do accept the fact that there is no perfect this side of heaven, but I am happier living the surrendered life.

Realization (owning my truth) is the first step.

The elevator is broken, try the steps.

God introduced me to the 12-steps for my food addiction, and He blessed me with freedom from compulsive overeating and food obsession. In my clarity of mind (without excess food), I began to see other areas of my life that needed healing. I welcomed the opportunity to understand God's instructions from reading His Word. The Twelve Steps for Christians supplied the map of the the Bible for sustaining the highest quality of life--peaceful, happy, joyful existence on earth.
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"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind He will accept. When you think of what He has done for you, is this too much to ask? Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is."

(Romans 12:1-2, NLT)

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Acknowledgment of my powerlessness, and the very real fact that I only knew what I thought I knew, were the baby steps to healing. As I remained abstinent from sugar, flour and extra food each new day, I began to see God's will in my life.

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I learned how to love and accept love.

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I learned that calm, respectful tones of communication worked.

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I learned the skills necessary to respond in appropriate ways when annoyances and resentments flooded my thinking.

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I learned to face my fears and work through them.

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I learned to replace negativity with positive, life-giving affirmations.

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I learned to stop manipulating and controlling people.

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I learned that people are worthy of their opinions, and that it was okay if someone had a different opinion than mine. It didn't make them "good" or "right" and me "bad" or "wrong."

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I learned to properly and respectfully take care of myself.

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I learned to accept and use criticism in a positive, constructive way.

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I learned that I was worthy of love and respect.

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What people thought of me was none of my business. I had to be willing to listen and admit, time and time again, that I didn't know what I didn't know.

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In God's time, with His constant help, I grew to understand and love myself and enjoy God's perfect plan for my life. I began to accept life on life's terms. I learned to trust God in everything, knowing that He was guiding my recovery.

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I soon discovered that ongoing physical, emotional and spiritual healing requires patience, perseverance, love, understanding, commitment and accountability. It is worth every ounce of effort. I am happy, joyous and free.

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My goal now is to enjoy everyday life. "Be here now" is my mantra...along with "God, help me." Quite often I have to say, "God bless them and change me" so that I keep my eyes on my own plate (figuratively speaking).

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To God be the glory for all that I am and all that I hope to be. If it is His will, I pray that He will use me to help others to experience His wonder-working power in their own lives. God bless us and keep us safe in the process.