Step 8

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Luke 6:31, NIV

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In Step 8, we look at our 4th-step inventories and write down anyone that we had hurt and for me, if I think of someone (anyone) with a cringe, I put them on my amends list. There is something that I own in the problem.

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I then take each person and write a quick version of what happened, why I feel resentful (just quick one-liners to remind me of the situation), how it effected me--bringing up fear of abandonment, rejection, my self-esteem or whatever--and then MY part (why I need to make my amends).

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It could look like this:

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The person on my list: My step mother

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The problem: She treats the other grandchildren different than my children (why I am resentful)

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The effect on me: Fear of being unlovable, unimportant (fear of abandonment)--reminds me of when I was little--my younger brother seemed to get the most attention. I was jealous.

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My part: Because I feel resentful, I withhold my love and compassion for her. I don't see her as kind and loving, even though she is up to the level that she can be... and I have to accept that her biological children are going to get more attention. It's just the natural course of things, and it's really okay!

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I have to look to God for my satisfaction. He can and will fill all my empty holes....and I want to forgive, as God forgives me.

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There is obviously more details that came out in my fourth step years ago on this one, but it is just an example of what I am talking about.

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I am not l00% healed of this, but when I let go and let God take it from me, I am better...and I can show kindness, respect and love. I am happier when I am willing.

Initially I simply write down all the names of the people who come to mind...

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Love and peace,

Pam from Auburn, MA<><>

My part: