Depending On God

"...We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

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We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear." (Big Book, page 68)

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When I typed this, I immediately thought of Romans 1:16 NIV: "For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ."

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In the NLT (Life Recovery Bible, versus 16-17 read, "For I am not ashamed of this good news about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes--Jews first and also Gentiles. This good news tells us how God makes us right in His sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the Scriptures say, 'It is through faith that a righteous person has life.'"

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And what a life it is! Thank You, Lord Jesus, for giving me to chance to live life to the fullest. Finding the truth about food addiction, working the program of 90dayOA and working the 12 steps one day at a time...with You, Lord...has been my life line to the love and joy that were hidden under my blanket of guilt and shame. Today I am free...clean, abstinent, thin, too. It's all because of You, Lord. You are worthy to be praise!!!

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Use me, Lord, to help others find the joy that You have so graciously given to me.

Other tools

I want to wrap up this mini-series about the tools of recovery today because tomorrow I am intending to start going through Proverbs...starting on the first with Proverbs 1. I am laughing, though, because my intention was to do one a day for 31 days..but in February, there are only 29 days! Well, we'll do the last two in March. No big deal.
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On the tools, we already talked about abstinence, sponsors and the telephone. The other things that help me to stay on the road in recovery are meetings, literature, service, anonymity, prayer and meditation and exercise, not necessarily in order of importance.
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Prayer and meditation, along with exercise are not mentioned in OA's pamplet "Tools of Recovery," but for me that are what has brought me to the place where I am today--happy and free from food obsession and overeating.
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Meetings: for me initially I showed up at meetings so that I could learn about the disease of food addiction and compulsive overeating. I didn't have a clue about addiction, but felt at home when I walked into the rooms of OA and heard that others were "crazy" like me. In time I found a sponsor and asked how to get on the road to recovery.
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Today I still go to meetings, to remember who I am, but also to give away what I have been given. I love to share the good news of recovery to those who are seeking a solution.
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I go to two committed 90dayOA phone meetings a week and two committed 12-steps for Christians meetings a week, one face-to-face and one phone meetings, in order to work the steps of the program. For me, I know that after abstinence, the steps are what changed my life--my way of thinking, relating to people and to God.
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For me, prayer and meditation is not an option. It's a must! I get on my knees faithfully every morning, typically for l/2 hour, and then meet with God after lunch for at least l5 minutes...but I also talk to God throughout the day. My goal is to "pray without ceasing"...like breathing. I practice that, but cannot say that I am "there" yet.
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Service is helping others. There are many thinks linked into this tool--sponsoring people, making phone calls, taking a service position at a meeting, helping to set-up the room at a face-to-face meeting, and the rest.
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Anonymity is respecting the fact that what people say in the meeting rooms or to me personally is held in confidence. It is important for me to stay out of judgement.
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Literature is important for me to see in black and white what addiction is all about. Kay Sheppard's book, Food Addiction; The Body Knows, helps me to understand the specifics about food addiction, but the Big Book of AA helps me to understand the addicts' mind-set. The Bible teaches me God's Word.
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There are other peices of literature that I use from time to time. I appreciate the Little Black Book or AA and the Little White Book of OA. They are daily meditation books. Personally, I prefer the Little Black Book because it's more on a spiritual plane.
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Exercise is another tool that helps me to feel good in my body, my mind, too. I don't do a lot, but I am consistent. I do a mile Walk-away-the-pounds video Monday through Friday.
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I have heard that the tools are not cafeteria-style--take what you want and leave the rest. I do all the tools every day.

Recovery tools

For me, the telephone has been an important part of my recovery process. When I first got abstinent, I made a daily call to my sponsor at a specific time to commit my food for the day. After that, we'd talk about the day, my fears and my concerns. I tried to be honest, open and willing to listen to her suggestions. It wasn't always easy, but I showed-up and stayed abstinent.
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One "rule" that she strongly suggested was making at least three phone calls a day where I talked to live people, not simply leaving messages on answering machines.
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At first I had a hard time doing that.....I didn't know what to say, but it didn't take long for me to find a network of people who were trying to get abstinent, too, and many who were successfully working the program. My sponsor told me to talk to the "winners", but that offended me. I thought to myself, "Am I a loser?"
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I made the decision to balance my calls, talking to the successfully abstinent people first and then people who were struggling. When I wanted to overeat, I talked to people who could help me stay on track. When I was confident, I talked to people who I tried to help.
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Today, I love the telephone. I take some committed calls during my down times and some in-between, but I need to pay attention, because I am often tempted to take more calls then is reasonable for me. I do have some boundaries in place; I don't take calls between 12:30pm and 2:30pm, unless it is planned in advance because I eat my lunch, then pray and meditate after that (typically until 2pm), and I don't take calls after 8pm, because that's my husband's time.

A recovery partner/sponsor

For me, after abstinence, having a sponsor who will guide and direct me with my food first and then with the things that lead me back to the food, is essential for my recovery.
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I have to say that I tried a lot of different approaches to abstinence, which includes many different food plans and l2-step programs for compulsive overeating and food addiction. I knew that sugar was a problem for me, but it took a long time to be willing to put down flour, wheat, artificial sweeteners and caffeine and to weigh and measure my food.
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Today, I am active in the 90day program of OA. It fits my needs at this stage of my recovery. I need a serious group of people who are like-minded. I am not only a food addict, but a compulsive overeater. The 90day approach (as I understand it) works for me.
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I say the "as I understand it" because there are different people in the program who feel differently. Personally, I don't believe that there is a one-size-fits-all food plan or that everyone has to eat only 3 meals. I do 3 meals and a snack, and that's my "abstinent" food plan.
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I do believe that abstinence is between the sponsee, sponsor and God...and if someone claims 90days of abstinence, that's good enough for me. That qualifies them to share at the meetings.
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Sorry about that "rabbit trail"...(going off the subject at hand).
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Back to the subject of today's share: In OA, we hear at meetings, "Sponsorship is one of our keys to success. Sponsors are OA members committed to abstinence and to living the Steps and Traditions to the best of their ability. Sponsors share their programs up to the level of their experience and strengthen their recovery through this service to others. To find a sponsor, look for someone who has what you want, and ask how he or she is achieving it."
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That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Tools of recovery

I am going to take the next few days to talk about the tools of recovery that keep me grounded...and free from the "need" to overeat.

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God and abstinence are the most important things in my life without exception, because without these things I have no life.

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For me, abstinence is following a weighed and measured food plan without sugar, flour, wheat, artificial sweeteners and other foods that could sing and dance in my head, which include nuts, rice cakes, coffee.
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Here's what I eat on a daily basis:
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4 oz 100% cranberry juice and 4 oz water and 1 T ground flax seeds
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l/2 lemon in hot water
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6 oz plain yogurt
l egg
l oz oatmeal
l teasp coconut oil
l T ground flax seeds
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3 oz protein
8 oz low-carb veg, cooked
8 oz salad
2 teasp oil
Braggs apple cider vinegar
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3 oz protein
8 oz low-carb veg, cooked
8 oz salad
2 teasp oil
Braggs apple cider vinegar
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6 oz plain yogurt
l oz oat bran
l fruit
l teasp coconut oil
l T ground flax seeds
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This is what I eat on a daily basis...period. Extra food is not an option.
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I eat all my meals sitting down, and I always pray before I take a bite...thanking God for my abstinence and asking if the meal is guilt-free.

When I go out to lunch or dinner, I bring my scale and measure my protein. I also bring my salad dressing. I order a good-sized salad and 2 sides of cooked vegetables (being sure that they are sugar and flour free).
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I don't overeat no matter what...no matter what I don't overeat.

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When I first got abstinent, I memorized a couple of lines that stand firm in my heart and mind still today (over nineteen years later). Whenever a food thought comes to mind, I say these lines,
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"My food is my food and everything else is not my food. It is not an option to overeat no matter what is happening in my circumstances or how I feel."
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Then I practice what I have learned in program. The tools that I lean on next are literature and phone calls. We'll talk about these tools tomorrow.

turn-around

We say, "I'm always worried and frustrated..."

God says, "Cast all your cares on me..."

Bible verses: l Peter 5:7

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I can be a "worry wart"...(what an awful name!), but it fits me when I am not actively working my program.

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I say, "no", but God says "go" comes to mind.

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Sometimes it's just so familiar to sit in my gloom and doom and my "poor Pammy" mode that it's hard to step out and trust that God has the answers to all my problems and He already has the outcome in place. He loves and cares for me. I but need to trust Him. It's that simple.

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To worry and fret is a waste of valuable time!

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Just for today, I commit to turning ALL my concerns over to God, so that I can let Him use my time and energy in much more productive ways.

turn-around

We say, "I'm afraid..."

God says, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of love, peace and a sound mind..."

Bible verse: 2Timothy 1-7

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My oh my, this one fits me all over the place. Fear could be my middle name. I am better today, but it's still a lot of work to face my fears and "do it anyway." Or as Joyce Meyer says, "Do it afraid."

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I went to my face-to-face 12-steps for Christians meeting last night. We are on Step 11, which is Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God... I talked about my fear of public praying and speaking. People seemed surprised because I often pray at the meeting, and I often pray on the phone when people are struggling, and I also have spoken a number of times at church and at meetings. Little did these people know how hard it is for me to step out of my comfort zone and do these things.

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Interesting because my private prayer life is good. I love the Lord and I am not at all afraid to pray whatever comes to mind with Him. He knows me through and through even before I open my mouth, and He loves me no matter what.

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I KNOW that it's a pride thing, but it is what it is. It seems like I will be forever working on this character trait!

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God bless me and help me to surrender my self-centeredness and let You always do for me what I have a hard time doing for myself. (I was going to say, "what I cannot do for myself," but realized as I started to type those words that I can do all things through God who strengthens, loves and protects me.) Hopefully, one day I'll get my head in line with my heart.

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On another note, last night God revealed something really interesting to me. The girls that pray beautifully...the ones that I look to in awe...shared that they might "look" good and "sound" good, but their private prayer life is not so good.

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It is like the truth that I found years ago where "thin is not well" or when I went to a class for The Power of the Praying Wife and listened to all the women who were in church with their husbands...those relationships that looked "perfect" to me...AND I heard what they deal with at home. I was surprised...and went home to my husband with a new heart (grateful for him being who he is). I still pray that he'll be more openly in touch with God, and I see signs that he is getting closer, so that's what I am doing now--pray, pray, pray. It's okay. Prayer changes things according to God's will. I but need to let go and let Him handle the outcome.

turn-arounds

We say, "I can't do it..."

God says, "You can do all things..."

Bible verses: Philippians 4:13

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When I think of this, I need to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me IF IT IS IN LINE WITH GOD'S WILL AND PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE.

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That's a big if... For me, the more I read and study God's Word, the more I understand what is possible.

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I also think of the Scripture about moving mountains with a mustard seed of faith. It takes the action of faith.

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Praise the Lord for His love and grace! He is worthy to be praised!

turn-around

Looking at this one again!

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We say, "I can't figure things out..."

God says, "I will direct your steps..."

Bible verses: Proverbs 3:5-6

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I associate this Scripture with Step 3--turning my will and my life over to the care of God.

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For me, in the natural--when I try to figure things out--it looks like worry, sometimes panic, certainly frustration that people, places and things are not as I want them to be. BUT when I remember that God will direct my steps, I am well.......I can be at peace, even in a storm!

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The steps work. Step 1: I am powerless; Step 2: God can help me; Step 3: I will let Him.

turn-around

We say, "I can't figure things out..."

God says, "I will direct your steps..."

Bible verses: Proverbs 3:5-6

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God is not an author of confusion. Sometimes I try to figure out why things are happening the way they are... and I try to reason by intelligence how to proceed, but God wants me to read His Word, follow His instructions and relax. "Cast my cares on Him."

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Sometimes I need to sit quietly at His feet in the midst of a storm...and simply listen and let His love flow over my tired bones.

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I know from the pit of my being that God has a plan and that plan is good. It's not always easy or fun to walk through the lessons in life, but when I am willing to accept life on life's terms, surrender and let God help me through any trial, I am fundamentally well.

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I like the long version of the serenity prayer's line about being "reasonably" happy in this life and "supremely" happy in the next. My "steps" on earth are to glorify the Lord and edify others (help and encourage others to trust, lean-on and depend on Him--experience God's love).

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I do that by my testimony...God, help me to always trust that You have the perfect plan, no matter how it looks to me or how I feel. Help me to turn to Your Word and "drink" it into my being. Memorizing Scripture has helped me stay close to the Lord. It's my heart-of-hearts to know and think as Jesus thinks... He loves me unconditionally, as I hope to love others.