Contempt prior to investigation

In the Big Book, we read about "comtempt prior to investigation" and I have seen that for me, I have the type of personality that wants to think that I already have the answers. Therefore, I don't want or need to hear other avenues or suggestions if what I am doing is working okay.

The key word here is "okay." I don't want "tolerable" recovery. I want all that God has waiting for me!

Have you ever heard the expression, "The good can be the enemy of the best"?

Today, I don't need to hide behind my walls of denial and fear, so I listen with an open mind to the possibility that someone might have a suggestion or an answer to a problem that I didn't even know that I have or had.

It is clear that I only know what I think I know.

God speaks to me through so many sources. I want to be able to hear Him, so when I am feeling angry, annoyed or rebellious, I make a real honest effort to listen...open my mind...and ask God if He is using this person to help me.

Sometimes the answer is "no", but many times, the answer is "yes." I then need to swallow my pride and say, "Thank You, God" and apply the new lesson to my personal life.

It's the HOW of the program--honest, open mindedness and willing to do that which we don't want to do.

It is what it is

The actual slogan would be "acceptance is the answer to all my problems today" but I have broken it down to say, "it is what it is"....and I am known to say that quite often in my everyday conversations.

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today" comes from the Big Book, page 449 in the 3rd addition and I believe it's page 417 in the fourth, but I could be wrong with that. It's a reading that I was told to learn and make part of my everyday life when I first got abstinent over l9 years ago... and today it is the first thing that I think of when I am feeling disturbed, frustrated or anxious about anything..."IT IS WHAT IT IS!" along with "live and let live"..."this, too, will pass" and "just for today".... All the slogans fall into place when I need them, along with the Serenity Prayer. It's all the same--accepting life on life's terms.

This weekend, my husband and I visited my son's family in PA, which is about 6-7 hours away from us by car....and my husband is not typically an easy (fun) companion on a trip of this nature, even though we both were excited to see our son, his wife and especially our two year old grandson, Caleb.

Well, this weekend was different. He was more relaxed and I could see the wheels turning in his head as he said a number of times, "IT IS WHAT IT IS!".... We got lost about ten minutes into the trip...which usually would spell disaster, but we rode it through, and we arrived in PA calm and I didn't want to run and hide!!! (half-smiling)... That's major progress for us.

I say this to share that this program has a wonderful ripple-down effect. We laughed a few times, too, when he said something negative...and I turned it around to a positive...He said to me, "Okay...there's the half-full cup..." BUT he said it in a loving, accepting way--not at all judgemental or annoyed.

IT IS WHAT IT IS!

Just for today

One of the most basic principles of the 12-Step way of life is that we do what we do "just for today!" I do the DRILL every day to insure my sanity and serenity. (Drill refers to the daily disciplines that keep me safe. Also known as the tools of recovery--prayer, committing my food, literature, phone, meetings, step work and the rest).

This simple slogan has saved me more times than I'd like to admit. When I get tempted to overeat or more recently, when I want to react inappropriately because of anger, which typically bubbles out of fear, I let God remind me that I do what I do "JUST FOR TODAY!" and sometimes I do what I do one moment at a time, trusting and depending on God to lead me by the hand to the other side of my trials and tribulations.

Years ago, when I was first introduced to the idea of abstinence, I couldn't imagine facing a whole day without my favorite foods or any extra food, but my sponsor gently asked, "Could you do it JUST FOR TODAY?" That somehow seemed doable.

I remember, too, the times that I'd go places where food was offered. I wanted it, and I felt like I deserved it, but I honored my commitment and didn't have it that day, but I would pack it up and take it home...and think to myself, "I am not having it just for today, but tomorrow I'll rethink my options." I did that with pieces of wedding cake, with candy bars, with fruit, too.

Sometimes I'd put the food in the freezer for another day. Thank You, Lord, that another day never came. With free fruit, I'd simply make it part of my next day's planned food. That was easier.

Today, I might take food that I could eat tomorrow, but I sincerely don't want "junk" food anymore.

I certainly do not recommend anyone taking "junk" food that might be tempting to eat, but I am here sharing my experiences... It is what I did, and I am still here, but now I am happy, joyous and free. It's all a process.

I do this program JUST FOR TODAY!

Keep Coming Back

At the close of meetings, we generally say, "Keep coming back"....and at some meetings they say..."and give a lot of love. It works if you work it, and you're worth it." Personally, I am not really fond of the hopla after the original slogan, but it is the truth.


The program works when I work it...and I am certainly worth every ounce of effort that I need to do to sustain the relationship that I have today with God, my family and my friends. For me, my clarity, love and peace of mind begins with my abstinence.


For "normal" eaters, this is a hard concept to swallow, but for people like me (other food addicts), this is a given. I am happy that I know that about me today. It's the truth that keeps me free!


And for this sick and suffering addict, when I was in my research stage, I often heard, "Don't leave before the miracle happens for you!"

I didn't believe it as I cried walking in and out of the meetings (with a head full of program and a belly full of food), but today, I am a walking and talking miracle!


So friends, I say the same thing to you, "Keep coming back...The program works if you work it, and you are worth it. Don't leave before the miracle happens for you!"


God bless you and keep you in His tender loving arms today.

Progress, not perfection

This is a slogan that runs central to addiction recovery. Addicts are not saints, just striving to be better and free from the things that separate them from God. It's that simple. I like the bumper sticker that reads, "Christians are not perfect, just forgiven."


For me, I am pretty good at abstinence...planning what I do and doing what I plan. I almost said "perfect' but I know that there is no perfect this side of Heaven. It is easier for me to just do my plan. I used to negotiate (rationalize and justify) why or how I could get away with eating a "little" differently or adding a bite, taste or lick of something... for what I considered a very good reason (laughing)... Like testing to see if a vegetable was cooked enough or needing to eat a grape in the store to see if it was sweet enough! I don't even eat grapes anymore.

I remember saying to a sponsor (before I knew better), "But, I NEEDED to see if the spices were right in that spaghetti sauce." I also did that with chili once. My husband likes it hot! These memories amuse me today. Interesting that I acted as if everyone's world was around food. I only knew what I thought I knew. After all my world WAS around food!


Today I can see the process of listening to God's still small voice and walking with Him in the light that has truly set me free (one day at a time)!


I am a work in progress. That's good enough for me.

To Thine own self be true

This is another one that I had to learn from experience. Before program, I was a people-pleaser and a big-time caretaker. Therefore, everybody's needs came before my own. However, when I got abstinent and started practicing the steps, I started to see why and how this slogan applies to me in my life.

For me, I needed to make a firm decision to follow my food plan first...and even if my pants were on fire (yes, here's the drama queen again), I was committed. I had a plan and I did that plan NO MATTER WHAT!

People could tell me that I was crazy...or that I was being brain-washed or whatever they thought, but it didn't matter. I KNEW that I was a food addict. I KNEW that extra food was no longer an option for me (period, end of sentence). "To thine own self be true."

This applies beyond my abstinence (following my food plan), but to sharing the good news of recovery to those who still suffer, along with the joy of knowing and experiencing God.

For me, that's the most important thing. I live and breathe to glorify God and to share His love with others. By His grace, I am well today. It's a matter of faith!

Again, I say, "God's the answer; what's the question?"

Faith without works is dead

"Faith without works is dead" confused me for a long time. I didn't understand how faith could ever be dead, but I grew to understand that I don't have a real working faith if I don't practice what I have learned and heard. If I listen or read in God's Word what He wants me to do, but do my own thing, I am still following my own will, thoughts and desires.

God responds to me when I ask for His help. He doesn't always tell me what I want to hear, but He does answer me. His still small voice within me guides and directs me. Sometimes I am rebellious and I glance up to Heaven and say, "Is there anyone else up there?" BUT I know that faith, without works is dead.

I have faith in the program because I have seen people's lives transformed. I have seen the sick get well. I have seen evidence in my own life. "Works" in the program is working the tools. I outline them in more detail in "Recovery Tools" on my web site.

In quick review, the tools are abstinence (following a weighed and measured plan of eating), sponsorship, meetings, telephone, literature, service, anonymity, prayer and meditation. I work the 12-steps as a way of life.

Faith, without works, is dead but faith with works brings me happiness and that peace that passes all understanding.

God is the answer; what's the question?

But for the grace of God

"...but for the grace of God, there go I" is a monumental statement for me. I am constantly reminded that all that I have and all that I do is simply a gift from God. I live to glorify Him and to help people experience him in a real and personal (life-changing) way.

When I get an inkling of superiority or my judgemental nature tried to rear its ugly head, God quickens my heart to remember a line that my husband often says, "Don't judge an Indian until you have walked a mile in his moccasins!" Boy, that simple analogy has saved me more times then I'd like to admit.

I only know what I think I know...and I only know what is working for me (period, end of sentence). What others do is none of my business, and what other people think of me is none of my business either.

When I focus on my own recovery, I have the hope of staying free. My common prayer, "God bless them, and change me" is synonymous with "live and let live...flowing into "but for the grace of God, there go I."

This, too, will pass.

"This, too, will pass" appeals to me when I am in a pinch or in emotional crisis on either side of the spectrum (happy or sad) . I know that the good things pass, and the not-so-good things pass, too.

Some days are more challenging than others, thus giving me an opportunity to practice my program (trusting that God will guide and direct me).

"Challenging" (anything outside the norm) can be dangerous ground for me; it is history for me to eat when I am happy, sad, angry, lonely, afraid--any feeling magnified by an event, a person's attitude or impression of me or a circumstance in life.

For me, "this too will pass" helps me to remember that life is ever changing; it's accepting life on life's terms and going with the flow. And it's okay. All is fundamentally well no matter what is happening in my circumstances or how I feel at any given moment.

Live and Let Live

It took me a long time to understand what "live and let live" means, and it is practice, practice, practice for me because I have a desire to help, and I have the tendency to be judgemental, which gets me into trouble if I don't slow down and listen..really listen to people and then listen to God's gentle promptings.


Instead, I tend to jump in as if every conversation is my one-and-only opportunity to share the good news of recovery AS I UNDERSTAND IT! (This is where "let live" takes over). It is not okay for me to judge anyone and what they do or believe or what works for them. Sometimes I just need to befriend a person, let them be heard, love them and that's it. If I "tell" them what I have learned, even if I use "for me" statements, it's not always "right" timing.


If, however, I am asked to share my experience, strength and hope, I am willing. I am living free and am enjoying everyday life. It's my heart's desire to help others get free, too.

Prayer Changes Things

For some, "prayer changes things" might seem like a "dah" statement, but for me, I had to learn from experience that prayer actually does change things!


I saw it with my food first--God changed what I could not change for myself and then sooo many other things. Experience has been my best teacher. From my children to my husband to my job, everything in my life improved when I got on my knees and prayed for God's will, power, love and strength.


I prayed fervently, BELIEVING and expecting that God would answer. I knew that He would IF my petitions were in line with His will and purpose for my life. That's a big IF. I started reading the Bible and learned about Jesus, and started trying to follow His example in my little part of the world.


The more I learned, the more I was able to surrender my own will, along with my selfish ambition and my pride. It wasn't always easy, but I have seen that God blesses the humble and meek.

Let Go and Let God

Because of my controlling personality, grounded in many deep-rooted fears, I have a history of struggling with letting go of my need to try to handle any situation. Even though I KNOW that I cannot control the outcome, I try. God knows that I want to let Him, but it's in my nature to do absolutely everything in my power, and then I turn to Him and say, "Okay, it's Your turn. I give up!"

I write my need/request on a piece of paper and put it in my "God Can" (Some people use a "God box"...) When I am willing to take this action step, it means that I am admitting that God Can do what I cannot do. It's up to Him, and I am letting Him. At this point, it is no longer an option for me to manipulate, obsess or struggle. I let go and let God.

"First Things First"

In recovery, I often heard "Program, Family, Job" as the order for right living.

It confused me in the beginning, because nothing came before my family! Being the drama queen that I am, I would rather die then put myself before my family... Funny to say that because when I was overeating compulsively, I was on my way to a slow death AND I certainly wasn't "there" for my family!!! I didn't know what I didn't know.

For me when I got abstinent on July 23, 1988, "program" was:

*calling my sponsor at 7am

*committing my food each day

*going to committed meetings--two OA meetings,one OA step study each week

*reading a page of the Big Book, plus the page on acceptance (page 449, 3rd edition) and the promises (page 83), and the daily meditation reading from OA's For Today.

*I had to get on my knees and say the first three steps, the Third Step Prayer, The Serenity Prayer and thank God for my abstinence and ask Him for another day.

*Then make three committed phone calls a day.

Initially, that seemed like a tall order and I tried to say, "I can't do all that! I have two small children and I run a daycare. I am busy!" (half-smiling), but in all truth, my "busy" was typically trying to get my next hit of food...or studying the latest diet.

I waded my way through the days eating the children's leftovers or "dieting" until I gave in to some temptation...and then exploded in rage for not being able to follow my designed plan of eating for that day.

It was not pretty!

Today, my life is different. Thank You, God! Program is my way of life.


Some of the specifics have changed* but the bottom line is still the same. I go to any lengths to protect my abstinence. And today, I have a life!


*Now-a-days I don't talk to my sponsor everyday, my two committed meetings are now 90dayOA phone meetings (Sat and Sun at 8AM EST). I read different literature (including the Bible) and my prayers include personal thoughts, hopes and dreams.

"Keep it simple"

"Keep it simple" is not something that I do easily.

I have a natural tendency to complicate everything...and I want to get it all, especially where my food is concerned. BUT, I realized in time that I needed to accept that I am a food addict. My hopes and dreams of having a normal relationship with food had to be smashed.

If something sings and dances in my head, then it's not in my best interest to keep it in my food plan. I have gone through the grieving process many times, as I let go sugar, flour, wheat, artificial sweeteners, and other foods that are personal triggers to me....the list would go on and on. Oh, caffeine is one to note! I am still mourning that one, and it's been a few years since I've had it.

For me, God had to increase and food had to decrease. Therefore, my food plan is cut and dry. I measure everything on a digital scale, except my oil, and I still commit it every day, even after years of abstinence.

I am happy today doing what I do because it is no longer about food (and entertaining myself with it), but about nutrition and living a life free and clean from food obsession. I am much happier eating to live, versus the life that I was living--living to eat!

Easy does it, but do it!

For the next few days, I will be talking about some of the slogans that have impressed me in my walk toward the light of truth that has set me free from food addiction and obsession.


"Easy does it, but do it!" applies to so many areas of my life. Probably because I am (or was) a big-time procrastinator. I spent much of my time dreading what needed to be done out of fear of not being able to do it...or thinking that it would be too hard. Poor Pammy, Poor Pammy, Pour Pammy another drink (or take another bite, which would lead into a binge) for me.

I learned "easy does it, but do it" with my abstinence first. And along with that, using the tools that kept me distracted from my first loves (sugar, flour and wheat). I needed to revamp my whole thought process. People in program (my sponsor and friends) taught me by their examples.