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"Let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work..."
Galatians 6:4, Amplified Bible
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Step Four is an opportunity to do some soul searching. For me, it has been an eye-opening experience. It is the 12-step approach to self-discovery of why I do what I do (or did what I did).
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I have done lots of fourth steps in my time in recovery. They have all been valuable in my upbringing from gloom and doom to a life of happiness, peace and joy. Initially I did a "family of origin" inventory, which is looking at each family member, starting with my parents. Then I did an inventory of my brothers and my reaction to them.
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In fourth steps, I look at my personal history, as if in a movie...not blaming or criticizing anyone. I KNOW that I am the only one I can change.
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Today, when I hit the fourth step in a step study, I look at one area, almost like opening a drawer in a bureau. I have looked at my caretaking, control, gossip, dishonesty, pride, judgement, approval seeking and many others. It has been helpful for me to see the ways that all these character behaviors have effected myself and the people in my life.
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With the help of God, I could then work the rest of steps and co-operate with God...and let Him change me.
2 comments:
Hi Pam,
I've done a number of 4th steps over the years. I remember one as being the most powerful, doing it with an AA 12 Steps According to the Big Book meeting. I made the list of resentments I had and then I took a look at only my part in the situation. First of all, it was shocking to me how many resentments I had!! Hundreds!! Secondly, to my surprise, they were all centered around the same fears of being judged and found less-than and being rejected. It was life changing for me because as these situations kept arising, I was able to recognize them for what they were - fear - and choose another reaction and behavior. Like you said, Pam, "In fourth steps, I look at my personal history, as if in a movie...not blaming or criticizing anyone. I KNOW that I am the only one I can change."
I really like your idea of inventorying one area. I think I may try that next time I go through the 12 Steps.
:o) Christine
Christine,
When I do this work, and I get tempted to blame others for my difficulties, I have to say, "God bless them and change me" often....
I agree with you. I am the only one I can change.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. (The Serenity Prayer)
"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today..." (Big Book page 448)
Love,
Pam<><
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