turn-around

We say, "I'm afraid..."

God says, "I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of love, peace and a sound mind..."

Bible verse: 2Timothy 1-7

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My oh my, this one fits me all over the place. Fear could be my middle name. I am better today, but it's still a lot of work to face my fears and "do it anyway." Or as Joyce Meyer says, "Do it afraid."

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I went to my face-to-face 12-steps for Christians meeting last night. We are on Step 11, which is Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God... I talked about my fear of public praying and speaking. People seemed surprised because I often pray at the meeting, and I often pray on the phone when people are struggling, and I also have spoken a number of times at church and at meetings. Little did these people know how hard it is for me to step out of my comfort zone and do these things.

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Interesting because my private prayer life is good. I love the Lord and I am not at all afraid to pray whatever comes to mind with Him. He knows me through and through even before I open my mouth, and He loves me no matter what.

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I KNOW that it's a pride thing, but it is what it is. It seems like I will be forever working on this character trait!

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God bless me and help me to surrender my self-centeredness and let You always do for me what I have a hard time doing for myself. (I was going to say, "what I cannot do for myself," but realized as I started to type those words that I can do all things through God who strengthens, loves and protects me.) Hopefully, one day I'll get my head in line with my heart.

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On another note, last night God revealed something really interesting to me. The girls that pray beautifully...the ones that I look to in awe...shared that they might "look" good and "sound" good, but their private prayer life is not so good.

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It is like the truth that I found years ago where "thin is not well" or when I went to a class for The Power of the Praying Wife and listened to all the women who were in church with their husbands...those relationships that looked "perfect" to me...AND I heard what they deal with at home. I was surprised...and went home to my husband with a new heart (grateful for him being who he is). I still pray that he'll be more openly in touch with God, and I see signs that he is getting closer, so that's what I am doing now--pray, pray, pray. It's okay. Prayer changes things according to God's will. I but need to let go and let Him handle the outcome.